, I’ve been tagged in a challenge: 100 poems in 100 days. This will be the host of these. Some will be shit. Some will be fragments. Some will get the job done. To wit, and fresh off a magical retreat, the post that follows will begin this cycle.
Away the horizon’s grips to the brilliance that defines the contours of the fantasies, the dreck- the limitless new word unspoken, the blunt force trauma of counting, wishing, opposing- of being opposed, denying the wish, skipping the count. On with the colors of the day clung to, sharp shadows and peripheral lovers, found in flame, the filament; a gas-lamp, open window, radio glow.
I sense a billion of you underthrust beneath waves of harmonics dialing across bands of music made from the songs of captured long-ago stars- no matter what, your muscles ease- your eyes soften- in a blue second yours is the impossible, finding the hidden frequency, the secret station that parts lips in a wind’s kiss. We all fall into private minutes of symphony, if only for now, for this.
Night is the medium, little else dances on the edge of the skull for when we are worn, it is the bone that sings and teases our slump upright as too will it collapse to a hymnal of dust
, rhymes and remembrances, tune in- it’s this one here. This is the one I can’t resist as the dreams tug the electricity out, listen friends, they’re playing my tomorrow… blue to purple to sky of music.
Even when I’m not dancing, I’m dancing, dance with me, you billions… You billions, dance with me, I’m dancing, even when I’m not dancing…
[I have a backlog of these to post- going in reverse chronological order…! Audio & pics up soon.]
In a time where visions were rare, a young boy is ministering to an elder. Twenty-two years ago, when my vision was gone, an elder is ministering to me. In the night, the boy hears a voice calling to him- not his elder, but the voice of the Holy. In those days, I felt a stirring, a pulling- I didn’t know what it was. When the voice came again, the boy was instructed to answer “Speak, for your servant is listening.” The elder in my life, when I was just awakening from a great fog, taught me, too, a way to answer to this pulling; it saved my life. “Speak, for your servant is listening.” Say it with me, “Speak, for your servant is listening.” I think we’ve all, at some point, been a Samuel- receiving some mysterious calling- and an Eli- smiling on while another for the first time is being drawn to the Holy. When else does the Holy draw us in, when suddenly we’ve nothing to say but “Sign me up?” Perhaps when we’re slack-jawed in wonder: shooting stars, catching a peek of a blue heron, gazing into the eyes of a newborn… “Speak, for your servant is listening.” Perhaps when we’re driving back to sweet Carolina, and we see those mountains first rise on the horizon, and know that we’re home? From anthropologist and Zen teacher Joan Halifax: “Some of us are drawn to mountains the way the moon draws the tide. Both the great forests and mountains are in my bones. They have taught me, humbled me, purified me and changed me.”
Well, Jay that’s all warm and fuzzy- all this calling and answering, now what? What are we getting into? Does the Holy occasionally make prank calls? You bet. Sometimes- the call is a wrong number, a false start, a time you think “I’m really feeling drawn toward this” then, eh- not so much. On the contrary, the calling can be a constant drumbeat, and we can’t do it all. I used to answer almost every call, “Speak, for your servant is listening- please hold.” “Speak, for your servant is listening- please hold.” Before long, I’m a burned-out husk collapsed on the couch, and a booming voice says “Stop answering! How can you serve anybody when you’re so fried that you’re not even serving yourself?” “You mean I should… delegate?” “Yup, that.” Lesson learned… Responding like you’re the only operator at the Cosmic switchboard will eventually turn any help you give into cold and untouched word salad at the potluck of life. We also might not hear every ringy-dingy, and the Holy doesn’t always leave a message. But the Holy keeps calling until we push through our reluctance, choosing to answer. That choice may appear insignificant- yet little choices, like acorns, can become mighty oaks. Today, you’re on the branches of a tree you planted long ago, a single choice you made that evolved into all this. And it’s not just you doing all the answering- the Universe has seen fit to have you in it; what if Holy is also saying “Speak, for your servant is listening.” What if? Breathe deeply.
Some of us are social media people. I like hanging out on Twitter- it’s pure chaos- like life- but much shorter. Some of my favorite Tweets lately:
“Do people who jog know that humans aren’t food anymore?”
“I once dated an apostrophe, but he was too possessive.”
“‘This isn’t my first rodeo,’ said the guy at his second rodeo.”
Then, this: “Go home 2018, you’re drunk.” This tweeter’s already fed up three weeks in, I get it, each day gets weirder. What if frustration is a bridge to empowerment? What’s empowerment without first being powerless? That’s how one call started that has since changed our culture, if not a generation. The call was one that left many feeling disillusioned, so they summoned a new power from which there is no turning back. In that spirit’ let’s remind ourselves of Margaret Meade’s wisdom from this banner, day it with me: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” One year ago today was the first Women’s March, but yesterday- WOW! Originally planned as a march on Washington, the movement has spread around the US, and the world. If correct, 5.2 million or 1.6% of Americans marched in 2017, an amazing number. Our motivations are different, but together they become prophetic.
Trickles of justice become waterfalls. Ideas to reform become legacies. Taking individual stands stir spellbound societies into new awakenings. A one-day protest has birthed countless better angels mothering the future. You’ve heard this coming! What’s a good anthem for a hopeful future? Written by Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac, this song automatically releases “Hopamine” into your brain and fires you up for better days, let’s sing:
If you wake up and don’t want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You’ll see things in a different way.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
Nathaniel says to Philip, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip says, “Come and see.” Can anything good come out of 2018? “Come and see.” Can anything good come out of the endless dehumanizing news cycle? “Come and see.” It’s up to you. Take that walk. When you come and see, what do you get? “You will see greater things than these.” That’s what Jesus says to Nathaniel… “You will see greater things than these.” “You will see greater things than these.” Who in our community is calling for greater things? Our neighbors are calling. Our children are calling. Disparities between rich and poor in Buncombe County are calling. Our immigrant community- to which we are all connected- won’t report crimes fearing deportation- they’re calling.
We hear the cry of the nation but right here in Western North Carolina you’re a part of greater things through your support of our work at Jubilee, by pledging and feeding the hungry. It’s the everyday things too- remembering to smile. Letting go of the phone for a while. Any way you can be a helper is one step forward, and when together… you go arm in arm with more helpers and those struggling in the trenches… you become a rolling wave that will wash over racism, wash over nationalism, wash over classism, wash over inequality of gender, wash over inequality of orientation and ability… you’re fulfilling an age-old call to truly see things greater than these!
Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you’ve done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
This isn’t about putting a happy face band-aid over our boo-boos and daydreaming of winning a Bahamas cruise. This is hard work- how we choose to make use of our precious time, and why we say yes to the seemingly impossible, and yes… to mending old wounds. Many folks don’t get that cruelty mocks the miracle of the time we’re given, so we make the best use of ours by setting an example of seeing and being greater things than these. But, if you’ve been hurt, there’s good reason to doubt people rushing at you. How to repair that broken trust? While fear stays in fashion, what’s the next big thing that heals? While there’s no single correct answer, each of us has a part of it if we just listen- just listen- there’s 7 billion answers out there- if we just listen.
All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don’t believe that it’s true,
I never meant any harm to you.
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
Twenty-two years ago, this week, I answered a very painful call. It came in the form of a dear friend who had overdosed and died, and it shocked me into a brutal reality; the way I’d been barely living could’ve taken me with him. In one day, a lifetime of reckoning fell like scaffolding around me. Not knowing what else to do, I sought to reclaim long-lost spiritual connection, and I was almost immediately taken under the wing of a mentor who recognized my brokenness. An elder- an interim minister of a Unitarian church in Delaware- ministered to me- he answered the weak and unsure call of a spiritually dead young man, he awakened my soul and taught that good people and communities do exist in the world. It’s because of him that my best friend and I began a journey
, moving to Asheville, then I became a grateful Jubilant. Jubilee- you’ve restored my soul, but how many thousands more…? How many thousands more? You better believe that you, Jubilee, have an amazing healing power, an amazing redemption power, an amazing justice power, for the joy of human love you’re a force to be reckoned with in this world. When you step out that door today- trust that Creation will speak- because you are listening- and trust that together- we will ALL see things greater than these- together! Come and see!
Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here,
It’ll be, better than before,
Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone.
Ooh, don’t you look back,
Ooh, don’t you look back,
Ooh, don’t you look back,
Ooh, don’t you look back.
We are the tentpoles that hold the night up
like the clerk says at the store under the
flickering lights, “Someone’s gotta do it.”
We scribble and scramble under the 12AM
clarion call, a division between dream’s
heroes and a dumb clock’s limitless zeroes.
We are the janitors of glittery whimsy,
circling the edge of horizons for all
tomorrow’s parties, all yesterday’s
shipwrecks, we sift through thoughts so
you can press one thank you for
optioning to possibly stay awake with us.
We are the scratch and dent products
who still manage to show up on time,
we know well the cadence of crickets
while your snoring just patented a
lifestyle product- we dutifully take
placebos as ZZZs do-si-do around the planet.
, we have whimsy and carefree
colors that could give a wink about
another minute unaware of our teetering
trepid feet, there is thrill and thrall
in not sleeping at all, damned if I miss a beat.
A sucker for your long golden light
somewhere about 7pm, interrupts my
thinking about chopsticks, how to
hold the rice better, or do my
hands just tremble slightly
with age? The year doesn’t.
Look at this light. How it
stills the clouds, and people
seem to walk slower as if we are
bathing in it. Why not? Two weeks
ago, I drove to a small town, French
and historic, in Missouri. It was the
Journey really, but it was all about
two minutes forty seconds of solar
bewilderment, a moondance, such
light as that- we just stopped
being adjectives, eclipsed.
Linger longer, you golden
kiss, do you know how
your protons make me
giddy? I get to
experience you
in a life
Theatres, when empty, do not create drama in its absence. Leave it to humans. Strive- as much as you can- for whatever gradients of emptiness you find fulfilling.
Goodness gracious, pipe down! Let’s address the facts as we know them:
I’ve not gone anywhere, just creating community, moving an entire residential program, an’ all that ye squabs!
#AVLWordfest begins this week! Certain entertainments I’ve offered here will be offered there, and you better pay up, it’s all for charity! Really!
Mean people still suck.
Yes, this is the language of the street. Anyone arriving here for the purposes of #HeavyVetting ought not to read posts made after 2am EDT (ahem, not speaking to an audience), rather they should contact either my coterie, subconscious, or cotillion for all the dish.
Regardless, the world as we know it ends on April 19th or 20th, as it does every year. Please carry on.
Every now and then, another physicist comes up with a cosmological model that either insinuates or plainly states that we’re living in some kind of simulation. Not some wingnuttery, but solid peer reviewed, Ivy League stuff. While it’s not my inclination, it makes me wonder- it’s so bizarre right now, our cultural climate and how we made choices, what lights up our brains, that I feel at times like some kind of cosmic lab rat. Throw a variation here, dial novelty up to 11 there. See what the rat does, those in his sphere, his other interconnected bubbles. It’d be fascinating to observe all of this madness from that vantage point. If I am indeed in the exceedingly rare chance a cosmic lab rat, I’d love to tell the experimenters to sod off.
Me explaining world news to cats: "People who do the things have a craziness in the heart-bag." Them: "FEED." Ignunt in global affairs cats.
"I love it when Mommy sends me skulls. Yes. Yes."
"Spellcheck has a negative outlook on life. Discombobulate; pass. Recombobulate; fail. Ultimately I just wanna bobulate."
"It's culturally telling that the hottest selling plush toy is a giant poop emoji. Says it all."
"The American Dream never made it past a nocturnal emission."
"When the Universe, knocks, answer. It's yourself at the door, waiting for you."
"It's not the answer that's blowing in the wind, but my lawnchairs. Unless they are actually the answer."
"Mercury is not just in retrograde, it's getting a colonoscopy where all the lubricants were replaced by Krazy Glue."
"I want to go to a Möbius strip mall. I want my next therapist to be a solar neutrino so it can really penetrate my issues. I want tachyonic Chinese delivery so it gets here before I even know I ordered it. I want a quantum mechanic to work on my car so they don't have to be here to do it."
"Sometimes, it doesn't matter whether it's all a dream, it's *that* you're dreaming it."
"I'd rather air-guitar while Suburbia dithers its way into sinkholes, if that be my legacy. Rome, fiddles, fire... it's too dramatic."
"As weird as it is for me to say it- I am still blessed. It's the kind of blessed that crosses religious labels, -isms, rights or wrongs. I am alive, and while it does sometimes suck, it's a sliver of possibility in a vast, cosmic abyss of impossibility. Here I am. There you are. Here we are. We are blessed."
"When you have the light, the darkness becomes afraid of you."
"I'm perfectly fine not to be changed by the will of other people, I'm perfectly fine to be changed by the will of me. That's how it works."
-From a dream
"Justice is an art that is never perfected, but refined and renewed with each generation. There must- and will be- even better victories to come."
"Things are good. Spring is exceptionally verdant this year. The world is in tumult, but we persist in the arduous insistence to say yes when the world says no, and to offer a moon-like gray tone when artifice offers only black and white. Feathers transcend expectation, boundaries flicker to nothing on the horizon. That which you've done is what you've meant to do, not what was scripted.
You danced, really fucking danced, at last."
"You'll find that on the spectrum of friendships, the ones that make the hard things to do easier are the ones that elicit the deepest sense of authenticity."
"Right about the future as a kid: better holograms. Wrong: Actually spending free time typing to friends on a computer about poop habits."
"It takes a lot less energy to empower someone, much more to disempower. The middleground is apathy. Ask yourself: where do I stand?"
"There's those who admit to being wrong, those wronged for admitting, and those for whom being is an admission of itself, surpassing wrong, right, and everything else in between."
"Like licorice, fate only comes in twists."
"Love is not so thick as to only adhere to the walls we visibly paint. It is in fact the most visible and yet unseen of all the shades we scrawl."
"There was a great bumpersticker once, just said "We ain't many." I think I got this gist of it- there might not be a metric shit ton of people who would drop anything to be there for someone, but the few who do are the few that matter the most. If we're all lucky enough to be old and creaky pieces of furniture somewhere decades down the road, it's times where we stuck together that will define our lives, not the fuck-all days that we thought we were lonely little creaky unwanted barstools in the warehouse of life's wandering metaphors. It's these times."
"Pain is transformational- learning to endure it only strengthens us for the next potential blow that comes our way, and appreciate all that feels good, or in-between. We have become masters at dodging discomfort... [we] wind up only creating more in the end (individually and collectively). Yes, humans have been the problem, but we have to be the solution as well. Old, corny, hackneyed line, but it sticks around because it seems to work."
"You just tickled a little synchronicity spot, right there."
"You are relying upon the internet to presume this is "me." Risks of this include body double, evil twin, mass hallucination, hallucinating masses, extreme photoshoppery, Henry Kissinger, confusion with the Jay Joslin in Idaho that's a star on the rodeo circuit, Bert the Turtle Who Was Very Alert, and what the little blue guys want you to believe. You, of course, be the judge."
"[T]he terror we inflict via economics, theocracy, and megalomania cannot be counted by numbers of nations but by the billions of people. And there is no measure by which we can gauge how mournfully Creation itself is crying."
"Cross that line. In fact, graffiti over it. Lines are for linear people, and ours is a squiggly world. Ain't no one got time for lines."
"I'm my own evil twin, which gets complicated at times.
But convenient!
Oh, you stop.
Won't.
See?"
"There's a reason why we call it a *road* to self discovery, not a cul-de-sac. Yet if one should find oneself at such a suburban dead end, get out of the car and cut across the lawns, into the nearest woods, quickly."
"There are people who fill in blanks and people who _________."
"The stars will align, even if I have to go up there and calibrate them myself!"
"When someone says that a person is driving like a maniac, was there an original maniac driving study conducted to get a baseline?"
"Just read the fine print- Today does not have a 24 hour return policy. Exchanges only."
"What doesn't kill you was just having an off day."
"For some of us, once space folded, the wrinkles never came out."
"When one door closes, you're outside. Go do something."
"Never trust someone wearing sunglasses who tells you their conscience is clear."